.a.Work.of.Fiction.

it only looks real.

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Last week.

was horrible. 

I literally did nothing, which is odd because that Monday I had just met with one of my favorite people to discuss how to manage my time and create a “task list” based off of goals and values. He gave me a 21 day challenge, and for the first 7 days I have successfully failed. Something deep and dark was over me and I couldn’t shake it. Laying in bed seemed like the best option and I couldn’t have felt more hopeless. I would go to yoga and just want to curl up on my side in the heat. 

I felt like it’s never going to happen. Everything that I currently hope for will never exist. I’ll work the same job, feel the same frustrations, hustle for the same dollars and dimes, and be alone. Somehow last week, I lost sight of anything eternal. It weighed down like a weight in the bottom of my stomach. That is scary. No hope is scary. 

Then I realized something - I just want to be in control. I want to know that he’ll ask. I want to know that I’ll make it successfully. I want to know that I won’t be in the same place forever. I want to know that everything will be all right in the end.

I can’t know that though, but what I can know is that God is in control. When I forget that and only realize that I am not in control that’s when I become hopeless. Right now, I don’t know anything. I don’t know if I’ll be in the same relationship in a year, I don’t know that I’ll have have the same job, and I don’t know if this business I run will make it. What I do know? God knows. That should be enough. It should be enough because God is the only thing worth seeking and knowing. 

I am putting this past week behind me and looking forward to Monday. I have written out a new task list. I have set values and boundaries for myself. I have decided to just know that God knows and I have bought a puppy. :)

Filed under life relationships puppies God jobs hope

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instagram:

Exploring the Dream Worlds of Os Gêmeos

Brazilian artists Octavio & Gustavo Pandolfo, identical twin brothers who create painted works together, are known under the moniker Os Gêmeos (@osgemeos), Portuguese for “The Twins.” Their distinct style features yellow-skinned, skinny caricatures that come from dreams they say they have both experienced. The twins’ stunning dream-world-to-real-world collaborative style was influenced by artistic family members in addition to traditional hip-hop culture and the Brazilian pixação movement in the late eighties.

Os Gêmeos have hosted exhibitions at the Los Angeles MoCA, The Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego, Dépayz’arts in France and Museu Colecção Berardo in Lisbon, just to name a few. In addition, their street art can be found in Berlin, New York, Portugal, Florida, London and across Brazil. Follow the progress of many pieces and murals through their Instagram account at http://instagram.com/osgemeos.

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Sorry for the nudity, but nakedness is real and sometimes a good shameless run through desert seems like what everyone needs to do just once -the sweat down your back, the air through your legs and no one for miles.
aconversationoncool:

‘All good things are wild and free.’

Sorry for the nudity, but nakedness is real and sometimes a good shameless run through desert seems like what everyone needs to do just once -the sweat down your back, the air through your legs and no one for miles.

aconversationoncool:

‘All good things are wild and free.’

4 notes

“At that point where I can’t say anything. I can’t do anything. I can’t think anything. I just have to breathe into the pain and hope that it leaves. I can only take in one breath at time, moment by moment. Hoping that in the next breath and in the next moment this is all over. That I am no longer in pain. That you are no longer in pain. That we are both laying side by side, sinking in to the floor and letting all those things of our past be a part of our past and our thoughts can be about our future. Until then - prayers and breaths.

Filed under things I am learning from yoga life relationships